Broken Gardens, Our School System and Our Children

Part 1

A Rising Issue

For the last decade, high school graduates say that their Jewish schools are not preparing students for the “real world”, or at least, giving them the skills to help them later when they enter the job market. They feel lied to when they are told that their knowledge of certain lessons is critical for adulthood when, after the semester, they don’t think about it again. Graduates also feel that their Jewish classes don’t help them to appreciate Judaism as they tend to forget what they’ve learned after handing in the final exam. They refute the stereotype that most students don’t want to learn Judaic classes and feel that the current curriculum does not lead to much residual reward.

These statements are quite troubling when factoring in that these students are receiving a dual education that offers many opportunities. Why do students feel that they are not well-educated and deprived of religious teachings?

Because the goal of the Jewish school system does not line up with reality.

To succeed beyond school, students need to know the core skills — how to write, read, and think critically — for both Judaic and Secular subjects. Currently, the goal of the school system is to make students more “well-rounded” — one who excels in a variety of subjects and joins an array of extra-curricular activities for the purpose of making them both knowledgeable and worldly. However, being a well-rounded student is a myth and a worthless pursuit because the concept centers on grades and not learning.

Rather than concentrating on building the skills necessary to work in any field, students are encouraged to get As in all classes as this is a sign of intelligence. Well-roundedness demands perfection in all subjects — regardless of the fact that the student may not have learned anything of use for the future. What graduates find when working on college homework or when seeking a job is that their good test-taking skill is only helpful to those who plan on staying in school forever. The skills they need were replaced with a false sense of security by having a well-rounded resume.

Note: There are some skills learned from studying such as a strong work ethic. However, for those who found that cramming for a test will earn them a good grade, such a skill will be lost to them.

A History of Jewish Schools

Schools were created so that groups of children could learn writing, reading, and arithmetic for the purpose of getting a job post-graduation. Since then, the course load has expanded to include science, history, and art. As a result, students now have a firmer command of multiple topics to help them join a larger variety of professions.

The dual curriculum is a novel concept which Jewish schools have more recently adopted. Throughout history, Jewish children learned scriptures and halachot with teachers to better structure their way of life in accordance with Torah principles. Today, Jewish schools teach the full gamut — every book of Tanach as well as Halacha and Hashkafa in addition to every Secular Studies subject.

Within the past decade, students have been encouraged to join STEM and computer-based professions, and they are offered such classes as part of their course load. Additionally, students can participate in clubs, sports, and leadership opportunities. By offering a multitude of courses and extra-curriculars, students can become well versed in a plethora of subjects, thereby supporting the schools’ goal of sending their students to become professionals and strong in their Jewish identity and practices.

The Current System

The research conducted for this essay used the recent handbooks of six schools: a Modern Orthodox Girl’s High School, a Bais Yaakov with Secular Education, a Mainstream Zionistic Boys High School, sister/brother Mainstream Zionist High Schools, and a Modern/Mainstream Boy’s High School, within the Tri-State area. The following is a composite based on the data gathered from the handbooks and/or school websites to help build a picture of the current yeshiva systems and to provide a clearer definition of what it means to be well-rounded.

Note: While most of the research was focused on high schools, the conclusion extends to elementary schools as well.

1. What is the official goal of the schools?

Generally, the schools’ goals were based on the premise that students will come to appreciate the world around them by learning Secular subjects in addition to Judaic subjects.

2. What is the schools’ outlook on higher education and the gap year?

Most schools considered spending the year in Israel and going to college to be important. Guidance counselors were available to assist with choosing seminaries/yeshivas in Israel and colleges.

3. Which courses did the schools provide?

Schools taught the basic courses of Math, English, History/Social Studies, Foreign Language, Physical Education, and Science in addition to Chumash, Navi, Hebrew Language, Jewish History, and Halacha/Gemara. For girls’ schools, the halacha course focused on Shabbos, Tefillah, Kashrus, and halachos pertaining to women. Electives included APs.

Deviations to Courses: One school considered Gemara and STEAM classes as equal to the basic course load. One school provided a larger selection of courses and a bigger course load for both secular and Judaic studies.

Deviations to Electives: US Government, Music Theory, Legal Classes, Physiology, Computers, Excel, Finance, and Business Law.

4. What are some activities provided or endorsed by the school?

Students had the opportunity to participate in sports, student government, and clubs/committees.

Deviations: publication opportunities, Jewish and Secular competitions, and theater.

The Effects of Well-roundedness

While there were some variations to the subjects taught by the schools, Jewish schools seem to have joined the bandwagon to promote an ideal that has little benefit to students beyond graduation. For instance, to become the valedictorian at one school, the student is required to take at least 3 APs, one of which is a STEM course, and have spent 3 years in honors for both Judaic and Secular Studies. Similar requirements are made at other schools.

On its face, there is nothing wrong with the valedictorians accumulating hours of perfectly completed course work and learning determinism and a strong work ethic. On the other hand, the valedictorians did not necessarily learn anything of practical use once they moved on to the next phase of their lives. We have come to believe that what they accomplished has value because they reached this status when this is not automatically true.

For those who do reach this pinnacle of well-roundedness, the average student will still not be too behind their honored peers in this one aspect. Based on the course loads described in the handbooks, the average high school resume shows that students do a little bit of everything, but not necessarily any or all of it well. Additionally, students who do poorly in certain subjects will have a hard time reaching the mythical well-roundedness. To remediate this, students will take lower-level classes so that their grades are higher and/or work at the subject for many hours to get that higher grade. These methods cause students to either become lazy and unmotivated to try harder or burnt out, especially when seeing that their efforts did not provide them with anything tangible. Neither situation is healthy, and yet we still perpetuate the idea that being well-rounded has a positive outcome.

The Post-Graduation World

The current system creates a disconnect between what is being taught and what is being learned for the test. This is more clearly seen after graduation because the post-graduation world looks quite different than how it is depicted in school. In the post-graduation world, those who show very high aptitude in a certain subject will be more likely hired to a specific job than a graduate who is mediocre at a few things. For instance, if a company seeks to hire an entry-level writer, the recruiter will look at the high score earned for writing and reading, not math and science. While this may seem obvious, the current school system is not set up to value anything but well-roundedness.

When it comes to the hard skills required in jobs, students should be learning the basics of those skills to work in fields that require them. Additionally, the soft skills required for jobs should not be dismissed. While some of the soft skills vary depending on the profession, jobs generally require professionals to think beyond the scope of the issue and to communicate properly (See Appendix A for a list of job skill descriptions for various professions). These two soft skills cannot be learned through memorization of facts; they are developed through thinking through ideas and presenting them to others for feedback.

Core Skills-Based Learning

When a school structures their curriculum and overall system to be focused on building and honing their students’ core-skills (reading, writing, and critical thinking), they are building a system in which graduates can work at any profession they choose. By using the course subjects to learn different skills, graduates can apply these skills at future positions that are not directly related to that subject. For example, if a student does well in math and science, then he can use those skills to work in a job that requires core skills learned from those subjects.

By structuring the school around cultivating core skills, students will feel that what they are learning has direction, relevance, and connection to what they had learned in the past. This will minimize memorization, continually strengthen the student’s core skills, and increase the aptitude for the student’s abilities to learn more and process the lessons better. To learn these skills, research, group/personal study projects, as well as presentations should replace the standard memorization required for exams.

One method of teaching students is the Flip Classroom Model. Similar to the collegiate structure, students learn the next day’s lesson at home through a short video (created in advance by the teacher) and then answer a few questions about what they learned. In school, the teacher works with the students to help them understand what they learned by doing the worksheets — what would have otherwise been considered the lesson’s homework. This model can be used for many subjects, especially math, and allows the student to go back to videos to better understand the building-block concepts without slowing the pace of the classroom. In this way, students can learn at their own pace and receive help when they need it.

Secular Studies — Skills

Below is a breakdown of some of the skills that can be learned by studying the following Secular Studies subjects.

Note: These subjects are the bare minimum for a student to learn core skills and knowledge.

a. Reading

Reading comprehension; reading critically; oration; understanding new perspectives/concepts; compare/contrast; character critique; and enjoyment of storytelling.

b. Writing

Punctuation within fiction, non-fiction, articles, and essays; idea development; structure and organization; and citation.

c. Math

The subjects that are currently taught but at the pace of the student. If the student has a difficult time with concepts in geometry, time should be spent on the skills learned from understanding geometry. If this means that the student should, by the end of the school year, covers less material knowledge but does demonstrate the same skills, the student has succeeded. The student may choose to continue learning the topic but will most likely discontinue since the profession the student may want to practice will most likely not use the materials learned in geometry.

d. Social Studies

Macro/micro view; progression; practical applications; correlation; cause and effect; and what-ifs.

e. Foreign Language:

How the language corresponds/connects with and deviates from other languages and how it has influenced English; creating a different thought process for how to conjugate the language against what the students’ native language; how culture affects language.

f. Science

Interconnection; cause and effect; and outside issues that can change dynamics and functions.

g. Physical Exercise (There should be less concentration on sports. Too many students sit on the sidelines during a class that is meant to encourage physical activity.)

Teamwork, self-motivation, and general health and movement; motor skills; hand-eye coordination; foot and hand placement; mechanics of the body.

Judaic Studies — Skills

The below list of subjects will help students to gain the core skills in addition to knowledge of Judaism.

a. Chumash, Navi, and Ketuvim

Portion of the week; the timeline of events; mitzvot — the details should be discussed in the greater context; understanding the life history of the commentators for context.

b. Hebrew

Language; grammar

c. For Boys

Mishnah/Gemarah — this should be an additional class, not a replacement for a, b, or c. Topics to include Kashrus and Shabbos.

d. For Girls

Jewish laws for Kashrus and Shabbos as well as other topics; in-text for context and out-of-text for information

Note: This subject should be tested in a question-and-answer format so long as the class is taught this way. Memorization will not help in the future if a question arises.

e. Basic Jewish knowledge and Holidays

Integrated throughout the classes or as a separate class, however, it should not overtake the time for the other subjects.

Note: This subject should be taught throughout the year and not necessarily graded as it is meant for practical use.

Judaic Studies: Learning for Learning’s Sake

The current structure for Judaic Studies mirrors the current structure for Secular Studies: there are memorization-based exams that are graded and reported to colleges. This has led students to have a hard time connecting with Judaism and the texts and laws that they learn, because it’s studied to get a good grade, not for life. Many argue that if Judaic subjects were not tested and graded, students would not pay attention and walk out of class. Graduates contest this argument; while they are interested in learning the Judaic subjects, the style in which they are taught is not conducive to what they would hope to learn. Currently, Judaic subjects are tested like Secular subjects when they should be taught in an entirely different fashion.

The purpose of celebrating the same holidays and reading the same Torah portions year after year is because Torah is circular. One can never stop learning, even if it is practiced or read many times over. However, schools decide what is important for students to learn so that they can be well-rounded in their Judaism. Every student should know Shabbos and Kashrus and a little bit of what happens in every Parsha, but this can be explored within the first year of high school.

To re-structure the Judaic studies curriculum, a few modifications will need to be made. The ninth grade should teach the basics of Judaism for adulthood. This is different from the Judaic education received in elementary school, which teaches the basics for the sake of building upon them later. Once a foundation is in place, the next three years of high school should be spent learning various topics through an elective system. To ensure that students are taking classes from each subject category (i.e.: not only Chumash or only Ketuvim), similarly to Secular Studies and college curriculum requirements, students will also be required to take a set number of courses of each Judaic subject category. Splitting the year into two semesters will also encourage students to try different topics and explore their interests.

Decision making is an added benefit for introducing an elective system. To engage in this process, students will run a cost-benefit analysis to choose courses, a skill that they will be able to use later. They will also conduct their own research such as by seeking advice from their parents, peers, upperclassmen, and teachers to find the classes that best fit them. By taking personal responsibility for how they will spend their time, the students will take what interests them and invest in what they are learning.

Extra-curriculars

Extra-curricular activities are meant to encourage students to explore and engage in topics outside of the regular curriculum in a productive environment. While there is nothing wrong with participating in extra-curriculars, what had been a choice is now expected of students. Extra-curriculars are “collected” to impress colleges and gap year programs to showcase a student’s repertoire of skills beyond school subjects. As one school put it, when it comes to activities, students were expected to juggle multiple commitments including academic work because others had done the same within the past few generations.

In public schools, where the school day is shorter due to the single curriculum taught, students have time to participate in multiple activities after school hours. Jewish schools, with a dual curriculum, cannot afford to send students home before completing the average eight-and-a-half to nine-and-a-half-hour school day. Taking extra-curricular activities means factoring in homework, sleep, and hanging out with friends and family as the activity will take much of their free time.

If the mission of a school is to cultivate core skills in its students, this means that subjects primarily studied can be trimmed, allowing for a shorter school day and longer classes. (See Appendix B for a concept of a school schedule). With a shorter in-class schedule, the rest of the hours of the day can be spent on:

- Study Hall to hang out with friends, do homework, and get help with coursework.

- Elective Classes such as STEM, Computers, Graphic Design, Basic Computer Literacy, Art, Drama, Choir, Sports, etc.

- College aimed courses such as APs and College Credit Courses. SAT and ACT prep can be included in this category.

- Courses can also be taught in a seminar format where the subject is taught for a few days. This can include topics like finance, credit cards, taxes, Home Economics, and other useful skills for the future.

Peer pressure is a cause for families to pay for extra-curriculars and school activities that they cannot afford. In some schools, student government and shabbatons require, depending on the school, either a non-negotiable or an optional (the student does not have to attend and therefore does not need to pay) fee additional fee paid by the parents. In the case of non-optional fees, the parents may only be able to afford this one fee and no other activities. Schools should reconsider this policy so as to not cause additional stress to families.

In the instance that the fee is optional, the hype around participating and the pressure to join can prove to be a challenge between the child and the parents. In the Tri-State area, keeping up with Joneses is a mode of life and the basis of social survival. Telling students that they need special activities and extracurriculars to help them become more well-rounded is wrong.

If a family cannot afford to pay for the child to take some or any of the extracurriculars, the school should ensure that there is the option for students to take study hall. Parents and students should also discuss the expectations regarding extra-curriculars. This will encourage the student to find a comfortable medium with their parents.

Source of Self Esteem

In the context of the school system, self-esteem is the new term for the “battle of the fittest”. This, along with the well-roundedness ideology, has infiltrated our schools and continues far beyond graduation. Students are struggling to find what makes them valuable, which lowers their self-esteem. Their identity is tied to good grades which are then put to the test when applying for gap year and college programs. These competitive programs seek proof of the brightest and the best so that a new winner will emerge once they are all brought together in the same school. This does not bode well for one’s self-esteem or sanity.

Schools also emphasize building their students’ self-esteem through their activities and extra-curriculars. For instance, there are schools that dedicate a month to putting on a play or production. At what cost does this occur? And, to what gain? Schools say that these school extras build confidence in one’s skills, such as musical or acting talent. However, if one already has these skills, they will inherently be selected for key roles while the mediocre are sidelined. This method will not help these students build their self-esteem.

Note: Participation in plays and productions should be encouraged, but the source of these projects should not stem from the school system, but rather the community.

When one’s self-esteem is attached to something that can ultimately become discredited because someone else takes their slot, then that is not self-esteem. To say that competition builds self-esteem is false because competition only values the best of the best. This is a false sense of value which leads to identity crises and depression. Self-esteem is not built by others, but by oneself. It is built on the student’s ability to grow by comparing himself to no other person than himself. There are ways to encourage this growth, but the current method is not one of them.

The Non-Existence of Free Time

Young Children

The time for a child to use their imagination is shrinking as kids stay in school longer, come home to homework, dinner, and watch TV before going to bed. In addition, children who rarely see their parents after coming home from school will find that there is no one to listen to their great ideas and will eventually dismiss them for more instant entertainment. The silly ideas young children share is real to them and should not be dismissed. Eventually, with a bit of knowledge, children learn how to take their imaginations and turn them into something real.

To provide an environment for children to have the structure, honesty, and time to be imaginative, students are encouraged to take multiple extra-curriculars. For instance, a child will play one or two sports, participate in the school production, and take an extra science course. However, there are two consequences when children rely on the school to be entertained: children don’t experience downtime and grow up seeking instant entertainment due to the constant stimulus from these activities

When there is no downtime, the child will not become their own source of entertainment. While the extra-curricular method keeps students out of trouble, once the child is home or the activity is over, the child will participate in unproductive and sedentary activities such as excessively watching TV and playing video games. If a child is bored, the child will find other people to entertain them, which can lead to dangerous behaviors down the road, depending on the circumstance. Children should be encouraged to be creative and innovative outside of structured school activities and extracurriculars, thereby growing their imagination to fall back on.

Older Children

Older children are also affected by the lack of downtime. After they come home, typically much later than their younger siblings, they lock themselves in their rooms to decompress from the constant stimulation of the day or do homework. This cycle repeats until Shabbos where they sleep in and hang out with friends. As a result of the solitude, older children cannot connect with their family. If there is time to spend time with family, it is usually inconvenient and painful.

In such a situation, when parents have time to spend with their children, there is an added tension because there is a chance for an episode of negative behavior, pulling the family farther apart. Should they speak, the focus is on what is immediately happening — such as how classes are going, what are the upcoming tests, and how is so-and-so doing — since the relationship has not had the time to grow beyond such topics. This will affect how they start to interact with the families and their school.

We see this through a very real scenario where, by having Sunday school for Judaic studies, boys start to believe that their time for Torah learning cannot be interrupted and takes priority over helping their parents at home, visiting relatives or others, and engaging in topics outside of school. To rectify this gaff, some schools require chessed outside the home to teach them respect. This requirement further minimizes time spent with family and increases the feeling of the righteousness of Torah learning over derech eretz for teachers, parents, and siblings. Chessed does not start from home anymore; it starts at someone else’s house.

Part 2

The Authoritative Figure

Creating a sense of camaraderie between the school and the parents is one of the ways to make parents feel that they are engaged in their child’s education. In actuality, the current school system authorizes the school to make certain decisions and protocols on behalf of the parents. The parents are required to act as rule enforcers of the school’s policies, even if they disagree.

The idea is that the school knows better than the parents and therefore has the authority to create rules as the parents send the child to be under their full care. This is socialist at its finest and rings strongly of Animal Farm by George Orwell. The family owes nothing to the school but to make payments, encourage their child to be well-behaved and to do their schoolwork on time, and to be respectful of those in the school and its rules during school hours.

Note: School rules are typically based on the exception rather than the majority. Many of the rules punish those who do not actively seek to break such rules. As a result, there is a greater opportunity to harm these students which can lead them to act out.

The Source of Jewish Identity

In conversation, one only needs to ask where one attended school to figure out which hashkafic label or category they are in as the two have become synonymous. This is quite normal as being frum from home is quite rare as it is usually the school that provides the guidelines for hashkafic practices. However, it is also understood that if a school does not directly align with the parents’ hashkafa, the children will attend schools that are more “to the right” or “to the left” of their parents’ own hashkafic values.

While this is not problematic on its face, the students could learn true diversity — minhagim may change, but Torah does not — schools tend to go beyond their boundaries. There are schools that require the student’s family to take on certain minhagim. This removes the authority of the parents and leads the child to believe that the school is responsible for dictating the laws.

For example, there is a school that requires that the fathers cannot wear jeans, even to mow their lawns. This should be a personal choice and one that should not affect whether the child can attend a school. While schools are allowed to preach their hashkafot, schools are not responsible for how the family conducts itself hashkafically outside of school.

Current School Policies

The handbooks used for this project provided an overview of some of the ways the schools maintain this authority. The following goes through the policies and reasons for how schools use their authority within and beyond school property lines:

Attendance/Absence/Lateness

Parent vs School

One of the largest sections of school handbooks regards and deals with students missing school. Schools beg for parents to not remove the child from school during school hours. Parents, however, will remove their children from school for appointments as well as for vacation. In this respect, it seems that the school and the parents are unable to agree that children should stay in school for the entire day to receive a proper education. As a result, the child will find that they have to choose between listening to the school and their parents.

In its current state, school and family life cannot coexist. For those parents who try not to sacrifice the time in school for appointments and vacations, it becomes increasingly difficult to find the time when schools host required classes over legal holidays. These days it may be needed to make up school hours for Yom Tov, but it ends up disrupting the family from enjoying a vacation as a full unit since the working parent has the day off. It also doesn’t help that many boys’ schools host Sunday school which leaves little time to spend with relatives. Parents will end up removing their children from school and any work, which — depending on the grade, is usually minimal — will be made up later.

Building Adults

Schools explain that when the student joins a profession, they will be responsible for their own lateness. By enforcing these rules, the student will learn time management earlier than later. On the other hand, one school also has rules about when the student can use the restroom. Unless there is a medical reason that would require otherwise, the student has about four opportunities to use the restroom. I would like to posit that if there are four hundred students and ten stalls in the whole school, it is most likely that not everyone can use the restroom those four times. Furthermore, at a job, no one is counting the number of times one uses the restroom until it becomes an issue related to lack of work completion.

In their attempt to teach students responsibilities and how to be adults, the student is controlled in a militaristic fashion that is not conducive to their growth and maturity. Schools should refrain from being Big Brother and instead teach students that they are responsible for their own choices. If a student chooses to be late and gets poor grades, that is a reflection on the student, not the school. This concept is not appreciated by schools since their reputation is reflected by their students. School is a business, not a charity.

Time Spent in School

One of the ironies of the school system is the school phycologist paradox. Schools expect that parents do not remove students from classes, but the school provides many opportunities for students to do so by providing counseling for psychological, Israel, or college as well as homework support. The need for in-school therapists is not at issue — students find them necessary and instrumental — but the student may miss classes due to these meetings.

Some schools mediate this paradox by conducting these meetings at lunch. This idea falsely assumes that students should use their lunch to get help for school or non-school related problems. Lunch is for the students to have time to decompress and hang out with friends. Providing these services during school hours is a great disservice to the students and parents.

On that note, while it is admirable for a student to take part in Shabbatons preparations, plays, student government, and other assorted leadership opportunities, the students miss classes to run these organizations. Despite their lengthy policies on attendance, school administrators will continue to encourage students to participate in these activities, even though they will miss classes. Excusing these absences does not help the student to learn the subject they are otherwise missing and creates a confusing and non-conducive learning environment.

Note: It is not the teacher’s job to be a therapist. If a teacher connects with students, they should advise that the student speaks to a parent or therapist if the situation requires it.

Community

Schools consider themselves to be a community with their center being the school rather than being a center of education. To create this community, some schools grade students based on their citizenship — their compliance with the school’s values. While these values are not counterproductive (i.e.: respect for others), the main issue is that if one does not comply with these policies, it is seen as taking from the community. This is also a threat that the students will be degraded based on their lack of help to the community. Connecting the reinforcement of school policies to the enhancement of social good is dangerous and does not teach students to think for themselves.

The community expectations are small but notable. For Tefillah/Minyan, students are not required to daven but remain silent during the allotted time which allows the student to figure out what davening means to them. However, the school expects all students to participate in tefillot said out loud. The encouragement for group tefillot values the collective/community as the requirement to daven will not garner positive feelings for those who were not interested in davening in the first place.

Note: Watch or read The Wave (based on a true story) to understand what a community can become.

The term personal responsibility is used in many handbooks, but given the communal aspect that is promoted, it should follow with “within the collective”. Schools should be teaching that personal responsibility stems from within the student to better themselves for their own sake. Later, they can better others or help make communal changes. At this point in their lives, students should be working to build themselves as a person and then see themselves within a community. Schools are not responsible for the choices students make; they can only provide a place for students to make choices.

Outside the House

Media

The school has the choice of what is permitted in school, but the school does not have the authority to control what students do outside of the school, and especially not by turning parents into police. The parents, of their own accord, set the rules of the household. If schools want to bring in professionals in the field of child development to broach and teach these topics, this should be to guide the parents in making their own rules, not to use parents as a proxy of the school’s rules. For instance, some schools expect that parents will monitor their child’s social media. The parents expect many things from schools, but this is because the parents are paying for the school. Schools do not share the same expectation.

Some schools discourage watching movies in the theater and on DVD. If a school forbids students from discussing TV shows, etc. during school hours, then a student who breaks this rule can be reprimanded. If the student discusses the show outside of school property, the determination of appropriateness lays in the hands of the parents.

There are some schools that forbid students to have access to the internet. For those schools that allow internet, not only is the internet expected to be filtered, but students should also not go to homes that have unfiltered internet. A student can be expelled for having unfiltered internet.

There are two issues with this rule:

1. Parents control the internet and decide if they want it filtered to the degree the school expects. If the child uses the internet according to the rules of the household, then the school not only would be hurting the child by putting “expelled” on their record, but they would also damage the relationship and trust between the parents and the child. The child would have to choose between the school and the parents, and in some cases, depending on the level of family unity, the child will side with the school.

2. How would the school know that the student lives in a home with unfiltered internet? When did the school become the KGB?

The school does not need to know the reasons behind the parents’ choices so long as the child is compliant when in school. One school acknowledges that they can only encourage parents to refrain from their teenager with a cellphone, but they have the right to raise awareness for it. In this instance, suggesting that the parents are not aware of the issues infantilizes the parents and discredits their choices.

Activities

To combat the problem of students hanging out in the wrong places, parents are required by the school to supervise their children’s recreational activities, however, this does not include movie theaters which are not allowed, even with parents.

Ø A school bans students from going to the beach during summer vacations and for allowing their children.

Ø At a girl’s school, driving is not encouraged for time spent outside school.

Ø Schools also don’t approve of sleepovers on school nights — something that should be understood and decided by the parents.

According to one school’s policy, female students are not allowed to hang out at specifically named ice cream parlors and other eateries, even with friends. These are potential meeting places with young men. I assume that if students hung out at one of these places with no nefarious intention and are caught, the students would be ashamed based on mares ayin. Parents can be made aware of the issues with certain hangout places, but, as parents, they should speak about their expectations with their children.

Note: As an aside, wouldn’t we rather our children hang out in public rather than in private where there is no one to see the goings-on?

If a family decides that their child cannot go to a certain hangout place, hopefully, the group of friends will go elsewhere. This will show the true testament of real friends, a lesson that cannot be learned in a classroom or dictated by a school. The parents will also receive the respect and trust of their child which will strengthen their relationship.

Celebrations

Since school is a setting for most friendships to occur, schools have decided to extend their knowledge to create policies around friend inclusion and for how families spend money. This is seen most often through a popular clause in elementary school handbooks, two of which were researched for this portion of the project, regarding Bat Mitzvahs. In lieu of each child hosting a separate celebration, the school will host a grade-wide Bat Mitzvah. If parents want to host their own Bat Mitzvah for their daughter, they are told that they cannot invite any friends from the grade or school.

The underlying reasons for this policy are to reduce the amount of pressure for parents to pay for, and that there is no competition between the girls to have, an extravagant party. Another reason is that no one is excluded, but since the custom is to invite the whole grade, this reason doesn’t hold water. And while friendship and preventing peer pressure are great things to strive for, the fact is that the policy does not hinder parents who want to celebrate their daughter.

In schools where parents cannot invite their daughter’s friends, parents will host a smaller party and invite a few school friends without notifying the school. How is this better? Friendship issues arise both in and out of school. Cauterizing what happens outside of school will not help anyone involved. Schools can make recommendations, but dictating what parents should do in this case will cause mostly strife. Can you imagine a girl being expelled from school for having a Bat Mitzvah?

Note: I also don’t see schools requiring Bar Mitzvahs to be held by the school.

Nail Polish

Schools do not have the authority to legislate that students should not get manicures and pedicures when not in school. Assuming that the nail polish is removed before returning to school after an extended Yom Tov break (i.e., Sukkot or Pesach), why shouldn’t a student be able to have personally or professionally applied nail polish? Parents can decide whether their children responsible enough to wear nail polish or even to pay for such a service. Getting one’s nails done does not go against the hashkafa of the school; many women who send their children to this school get their nails done before Yom Tov or a Simcha. Such a requirement removes a way for daughters and mothers to bond and enjoy each other’s company through a tradition of preparing oneself for the Yom Tov.

Dress Code

The way in which one dresses can say much about the wearer, and this idea is taken into consideration by schools when they design their dress code policy. The uniform vs dress code debate, while important for its own sake, stunts the conversation about how students can learn to be presentable. For example, boy schools say that their students are not allowed to grow beards. This decision should be made by the student, especially if the student is able to grow a beard that looks respectable. This is not the army where there is a direct reason to be clean-shaven. In helping a boy gain self-esteem and make choices, the decision of whether to grow a beard should be his decision.

Note: The consequence of this decision is that students who cannot grow a beard will appear unkempt. The school can then make a rule that only juniors and seniors can grow beards as they may value their appearance more during those years.

The cost of wearing a uniform is one to consider. Since most students have a few uniforms, they need to be laundered and ready for each school day. As part of the cost of attending school, the uniform students wear is more expensive to maintain than a dress code. While there is a case for both options, uniforms can prove to be more costly as some schools require that their students wear a uniform with the school’s insignia. When parents are required to purchase the uniforms and sweatshirts from a specific vendor, there is no competition or alternative option for parents to take. Paying full price for some of these items can lead to an additional burden on the family’s finances.

Uniformed students are also at a disadvantage than their dress code peers when it comes to understanding modesty. By teaching the reasons for why the student should pick certain clothes over others allows for the student to feel proud of the chosen clothes. The rebelliousness comes from a lack of care felt by the student due to not being taught the laws of modesty. Students who choose to disobey the dress code should receive attention to understand the issue at hand. Furthermore, in one handbook, parents are reminded that they are the cause of their child’s embarrassment if their child wears the wrong dress code. While uniformity can lead to unity, the undue stress put on students and their parents should not be discounted.

Personal Affairs

For a school to have protocols to regulate other’s personal affairs is unreasonable and overstepping their role as educators. Metaphorically speaking, schools are the probationary judge when in fact they are neither probationary officers nor the defense attorney. The school is the whistleblower and may be involved in attesting to the student’s behavior as a witness. However, the outcome and additional information surrounding the student’s issues are not privy to the witness.

The next two sections discuss the school’s involvement in the student’s and family’s personal affairs.

Drugs/Substance Abuse

As our communities fight to stop teenage drugs and other substance abuse, schools have taken a stand as well. Like company policies, schools are in their rights to have certain policies pertaining to this issue. Schools will expel students who abuse substances and alcohol outside of school. They can also expel those who refuse to take a drug test inside and outside of school as they can test students of their own accord. Policies that relate to the school itself, such as readmittance, are in the best interest of the school, and therefore within the boundaries of the school’s rights. However, there is a limit to the schools’ claim to certain rights.

One school provided guidelines for treatment if a student is found to be or admits to using illegal/legal substances. This is a nice gesture, but the school’s task in this situation is to alert the parents as they don’t have the authority to recommend such treatment plans. Another school’s policy says that if a student admits to taking a substance, then the school will create a plan at the expense of the parents. If the parents do not comply with this plan, the child will not be allowed back into the school. The onus for getting treatment for the child is on the parents, not the school. Schools do not have the authority or guardianship of the student. If the school believes that the parents are resolving the issue, they can call Child Protection Services as can anyone else.

Family Matters

Parents are told that the school should be made aware of any structural changes in the family. While it is not the school’s business to have knowledge of such information, there is a correlation between stress and academic excellence. If a family is in midst of a structural change, there should be resources available to the family. This way, the student can get help dealing with the stress so that the academics are not affected. If the school finds that the stress is affecting the student, the school should notify the family. The school should not be the intermediary in this case.

Part 3

Quantity of Time

Today, the school is at the forefront of a child’s development, education, Jewish identity, and the like. Tomorrow, the family will be responsible for everything but their child’s education. Like public schools, the school now takes care of the child in all regards — from extra-curriculars to hashkafic teachings. The reason schools can make rules that overstep their bounds is because parents do not have the time to parent their own children.

The Work Hard-Pay High Tuition Cycle

The work hard-pay high tuition cycle has changed the socio-economic structure of Orthodox Judaism. Parents feel that sending their child to a school that is based on the current school system is the only viable solution to raising a good child. They have seen it work in the past where their parents paid the high tuition and reaped the reward of a well-rounded child. Unfortunately, “the work hard-pay high tuition cycle” can’t stop if we keep our current school system.

Parents are willing to work at higher-paying jobs and for more hours just to not be swallowed by the cycle because the other options are not in-line with well-roundedness. Sending a child to public school will lead the child to join a gang and homeschooling will create a socially awkward child. The thinking is that these children will not find good jobs, stay religious, and get married. (This is false and should be explored as potential options in a separate study.) This is not to suggest that these are the solution to removing the school’s authority over the family as it does not account for specific family dynamics. However, sending most of the income to tuition not only feeds the cycle, and the concept of well-roundedness, but creates small tears in the family’s fabric and does not lead to strong families or strong children.

Note: Those who find personal reward in moving up the economic and professional ladder should not be discouraged. On the other hand, the requirement to pay high tuition should not be the reason for the breadwinners to need to make this their goal.

Cost to the Family

Growth

Exchanging time for money leads to social and emotional repercussions for children. As many pediatricians and psychologists say, children desire to spend time with their parents doing anything — whether it’s gardening or just being in the same room reading separate books. Children value time over money. We see this with children of divorced parents who are expected to take physical bribes from the “other” parent when all they want to spend an afternoon with that parent. Children yearn for closeness from their parents, and when they receive it, they are happier and do better in school.

Spending time does not mean that parents should helicopter or be involved in the child’s every move. As the child grows up, the child will learn to respect their parents, because they are able to see who their parents as people rather than uncaring money-trees. Unfortunately, when parents value money over time, the message sent to children is that their parents don’t know their child. Or, that they don’t want to know their child.

Once a child decides that their parents can’t be bothered to hear them, they look for outside resources, such as friends and teachers, to spend time with and speak to. Sometimes, these people positively influence the downtrodden child. There are also those who will encourage negative behaviors and habits. In either case, the child no longer trusts the parents’ opinion nor does the child seek it.

In a strong parent-child relationship, if a school says one thing and the family does something else, the child will feel comfortable seeking the parents’ opinion on the matter, which authorizes the parents to spend time and teach their child. Eventually, the child will seek other trust adult figures, but they will continue to rely on and respect their parents. The child will grow up understanding that the parents have flaws, as does the child, and know-how to respect their parents because of the previous interactions they had with them.

Shidduchim

The Shidduch Crisis is a real issue in the Jewish community. Men and women are having a hard time finding their spouse, despite sending their resumes to shidduch databases, attending dating events, and speaking to dedicated shadchans around the world. There is a connection between the school and the Shidduch Crisis: well-roundedness. Like applications for post-high school programs, men and women are encouraged to be a bit of everything — volunteer; be/were a good student; have a close, but moderate-sized group of friends; be worldly, but not too with-it; be funny, etc. This fallacy is causing much stress to many singles.

Dating, like job interviews, is not about finding how general a person is — it’s to see what makes them viable and potentially the right person for one other person. Singles are not encouraged to put down what makes them unique or to show some personality in their About Me sections, if they included one at all. In the singles don’t strike every box, they are considered too complicated and out of the box by singles and shadchans who are taught to believe that people are cookie cutters.

The crisis also leads to singles losing their sense of self-esteem, because their self-worth is hinged upon being well-rounded. If they do everything per the standard, they will get married. This type of thinking leads to depression and hopelessness. There are also those who feel that “all the good ones” are already taken, but to believe this delusion means that every person has the same needs. To connect people to their soulmate requires ending the notion that there need to be hundreds of eligible people to date. Specificity and uniqueness are the necessary ingredients, because, in the end, finding only one person is required.

Part 4

Other Considerations: Families that are not Frum-from-Birth

The Baal Teshuva Movement influenced how schools approach teaching Judaic Studies. Children who grew up in homes that lacked halachic and hashkafic knowledge that is learned through frum from birth parents were now able to be taught at school. Thankfully, the Baal Teshuva movement is thriving, and such parents can send their children to schools that can fill in the gaps for them. However, what was once a good idea has become harmful in the long run. Rather than stick to teaching basic halachic principles, schools now control and shape the students’ ideology as well as the parents’ ideology.

There are families who send their children to schools believing that they will turn out more religious than themselves. In some cases, this is accurate. From what I have personally observed, the child may end up observant, but the road until then is quite rocky. However, sending children to schools that fill in hashkafic gaps is a solution either.

For frum-from-birth families, the solution to who teaches and explains hashkafa is the parents, not the school. For Baal Teshuva families, the solution is to rely on the community and a shul or rabbi. These sources of information are built for the purpose of personal growth, not academic growth. They should also be used as a resource for all Jews.

However, relying on any resource can mean that the family will not be able to trust themselves to make their own decisions. It is critical that people are taught the basics, are encouraged to seek answers, and think about what they are taught. The goal is not to become robots, which is unfortunately how the current school system approaches hashkafic teachings. Judaism is not a mechanical religion where if you do something, you will get to heaven. Judaism is a breathing, dynamic religion that requires attention to detail, and one who pays attention will realize that there are many aspects to be explored.

School Affordability

Even with making non-core subjects available as electives, the question of how much will this cost still stands. Should the entertainment budget (Chanukah parties, Purim carnival) be slashed? How does the tuition account for the school production or the chess club?

How does one break the work hard-pay high tuition cycle?

In my utopian society, parents would be able to work less, spend time with their children, and pay less for tuition. In reality, the goal is for parents to be less stressed and strained financially. With this comes the idea that tuition should be made cheaper. My philosophy for private schools is that if Jewish families are paying taxes to fund public schools and sending their children to Jewish schools, those families should be able to access these funds for Secular Studies. Jewish schools can become charter schools or use a government voucher system which is currently used in some schools in the Midwest. The solution still allows schools to pay teachers without burdening families.

Another solution is for tuition to only pay for the core subjects. A separate fee would be charged for taking an elective, as one would take any sort of elective provided outside of school functions, which would be split between any of the other participating schools. As mentioned prior, families will choose electives that fit their budgets and schedules. There is always the option to join the study hall. Most importantly, these electives would not take place at night but during the school day. This may afford families an extra hour a night to be together, but I believe that this hour can make a difference.

Defeating Well-roundedness

In smaller communities outside the Tri-State Area, schools are not the focus of the community. In these communities, students interact with others through different venues, such as at school, park, grocery store, etc. This has led to a change in how the community interacts and perceives each other where children can see their peers, and adults can see the children in different lights. School, and everything it provides, is seen as not the only place for a child to excel.

By deemphasizing academic and extra-curricular excellence within the community, children will be allowed to “fail” and learn from their mistakes. They will see that their self-worth is driven by their perception of themselves as a person who can grow. This is not giving everyone a trophy; this is about helping children succeed through learning that there is more to life than having every type of trophy on their shelf.

Conclusion

One of the great ironies is that children want to spend time with their parents, while parents believe that if they don’t shuffle them from activity to activity, their children will feel deprived. Parents pour over school brochures and go to open houses to ensure that that their child receives the best education — but what if the education they are receiving isn’t helping them to create their own future? The roles of schools, families, and communities have changed over time and the idea that students should be taught core skills has been lost in the shuffle. We can correct this by looking at and redefining the curriculums. This requires a community effort as well as an effort on the part of the local Jewish schools. We can change our future, but it requires accepting that there is a change to be made.

Appendix A: Job Soft Skills Descriptions

Note: I Googled “[Name of career] job description”.

Legal — Criminal Defense Attorney

1. “Excellent written and verbal communication skills; Strong critical thinking and research skills; Excellent decision-making and problem-solving skills; Ability to work autonomously and with a team of attorneys.” (BetterTeam.com)

2. “Excellent written and verbal communication skills; Strong research and public speaking skills; Excellent decision-making and problem-solving skills; Ability to work autonomously or with a team of attorneys to develop case strategies; Adaptable, with a strong attention to detail.” (SpecialCounsel.com)

Medical — Registered Nurse

1. “Compassion, Organizational skills and attention to detail, Critical Thinking Skills, Emotional Stability and Patience; Listening and Speaking Skills; Excellent bedside manner, Mum’s the Word; Multitasking.” (TheBalanceCareers.com)

2. “Assessing, implementing, planning, or evaluating patient nursing care plans by working with healthcare team members; Ability to effectively communicate with patients, families, physicians and hospital staff; Basic computer skills; Professional, friendly attitude.” (BetterTeam.com)

Software/IT — Software Engineer

1. “Strong team building skills; Experience working with clients and business partners; Strong written and verbal communication and interpersonal skills; Creative problem-solving skills; The ability to prioritize activities and deliver projects on time and within budget.” (BetterTeam.com)

2. “A passion for solving problems and providing workable solutions; Knowledge of algorithms and data structures; Strong analytical and reasoning skills with an ability to visualize processes and outcomes; Outstanding all-round communication skills and ability to work collaboratively.” (RobertHalf.com)

Accountant — CPA

1. “Excellent analytical skills with an attention to detail; Integrity, with an ability to handle confidential information; Keep company financial information confidential.” (Workable.com)

“Analytical skills, organizational skills, keen attention to detail, communication and people skills.” (TheBalanceCareers.com)

Appendix B: Concept of School Schedule

About:

Sara Aliza Cox went to a mainstream Orthodox-Modern Orthodox Jewish school system and spent summers, as well as worked, at Chabad, Bais Yaakov, and Modern Orthodox day camps. In 2017, she graduated Summa Cum Laude from Montclair State University. Her educational philosophy is influenced by authors Neal Postman, Bryan Caplan, Salman Khan, Thomas Sowell, Lenora Chu, and Amanda Ripley to name a few. She is looking forward to discussion and is open to suggestions. She can be reached at brokengardens@outlook.com.